Today is the first day of winter in the northern hemisphere,
and it is longer than yesterday.
That existential moment
when finite and infinite
eternity and now
can, will, might
and probably not
swirl and swell
and do not come to rest
yet we persist…
Why these tears, this ache in my throat?
How can a dawn I have so long yearned for
Find me not surprised yet unbelieving?
How can I, who have always been too hard
Too quick to batter down the gate
Stand now amid the rushing throng
And beg another moment to prepare?
Is it that I finally see
How dawn leads to day leads to dusk
And in this creeping twilight sense a rushing night?
Do I finally face the rise of a blackened moon
on a bone-white landscape?
A scene I never comprehended,
Yet now I must claim that dark moon as my own.
Mortality has grown taller while I slept
And now I fear to sleep again that I may not wake.
Sleep was my desire until I waked to you.
Knowing you has brought my mortality full before my face
Because you are the essence of life to me
So full and fine and fair
So dark and taut and true
So much older and younger than me
So much a mirror against which I press
Fearing shards of broken glass
Yet weeping to melt and meld with you
Dissolve with you in these flowing tears
I love you. I fear you.
I lust for you. I die in you.
I lie beneath your moist, green turf
And pray your roots to penetrate my skin
And suck me in
To a new life as your leaf.